Friday, July 15, 2016

So, How'd it Go?

Ugh, well, I guess.

   I feel wrung out just now. I did get really sick right before my birthday, take some trips out of town, go on some auditions, work on  children's theater production, play the lead in a romantic comedy and directed a children's musical in two weeks. All this on top of the day to day stuff obviously. I tried to make it back for more Jedi training in June, but my schedule got crazy and we had a death in the family (perhaps more on that later).

   So, here I am just past the "thank god, things can get back to normal" phase well into "Oh dear god, is this really it?" phase. I'd been so busy I'd thought about catching up on laundry as some great happy goal. Obviously, it made me happy to get through the back log, but seriously? Sigh....

   Project! Over-doing-it, pain, stress, spending down time resting and recovering, being overwhelmed for a cause. End project RELIEF, rest, chores, time...depression. I hate even writing about my "normal life" just now. Uncertainty, plagues me and I hate that I can't ever grow out of the not knowing. The adults had it all together, before I was one. 

  I don't want to complain, but I do want to say because no one ever does being a parent (disabled or otherwise) and a fulfilled human being is really HARD. 


So, full disclosure this is like draft four or five of this post because it's been a long time coming and I have a lot and nothing to say all at once and I can't let this be a complain post. I will now take a few deep breathes and tell you a lot of things that seemed super significant happened since I posted last, but most were not. 

I continued to try and balance my personal fulfillment with family obligations and physical pain and limitations. Nothing new there, but the battle becomes not letting on how much of an impact things are taking on me physically while being honest with myself. Emotionally, it's been a rewarding theater season/school year. Crap, rewarding? Draft five seems inevitable....


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